To become a better person...

This is going to be one of the hardest and broadest goals I have ever really set for myself. I know in a previous post I posted about wanting a few things, like to be in better shape, things like that are for your regular every day person. I'd like to think I'm better than that, but am by no means perfect. The person I want to be is far from perfect. I'd like to be like some of the great people that have come before me, but with my own style and panache... I don't need to be someone famous, or whatnot because I am special in my own way.

There will be things that I need to work out myself though. Sometimes I think I dwell too much on the past, sometimes look to others for approval, and a combination of many things. Some things that I have not fully forgiven myself for. We are all forged by experiences, life, and the pursuit of the future.

Happiness? This is transient and comes and goes. Sometimes stays more than goes, but things go up and down and change daily. That is like how life is... You take things one day at a time and that is what I have been trying to do. One of those first steps is to forgive myself... If I can't do that how can I really be happy just looking back at things? I have so many happy things that have happened that can get overlooked when something bad happens. What has happened should be there as a reminder of not what to do again, but one must move on with things first. The future is also unwritten and you have to make it for yourself. That isn't saying that one is necessarily alone, but in the proverbial sense I think you all may understand.

I also used to be a lot more of a bouncy person and that had kinda died off this past year. I know I'm not the only one who felt this and have had this pointed out to me by others. Sometimes I get so wrapped up and focused on something I forget to let it all out and have some fun and I need to do more of just that... Life is too precious not to enjoy and spend with others. I don't want to lose this side of me as I think this has been a lot of how people see me and lately I've more been a morose, and moody person... Jaded by some bad experiences, some bad decisions made, made out of being young, naive , and ignorant. I can't let what has happened get me down and keep me from looking forward... and having fun.

I want to be a lot like the person I was four years ago, but with more knowledge under my belt, more understanding of my own self, and that of others. To have patience and fortitude, to go the distance and persevere whatever obstacles may arise. If there is one lesson I have definitely learned is that some things are definitely worth waiting for... I learned this lesson, along with others... Not in the most pleasant of ways, and it cost me dearly... Also still learning to just fully let go... And take that plunge into the unknown. You live and learn though.

I usually don't think in means of myself. Sometimes I haven't been really sure what I wanted. Other times thought I did, only to have that change. I also don't want to be selfish and only think of my wants, because in truth one thing I've wanted more than for myself is the happiness of those I care for. Don't worry yourselves about me... I plan on being happy as well. Everyone has their own way of finding that which will make them happy. Happiness is also different to every single person.

I have high hopes and dreams, and am looking towards the future and though it may be cloudy and the path a bit muddy, and a lot of things may be uphill battles. I feel I have the strength and conviction to see things through. Who knows, there may be a few surprises along the way, some good, some bad... That all remains to be seen. The future isn't written in stone and is what you make of it, sometimes with the help of others.

All that one can do is take things one step at a time... Place one foot before the other, and keep on moving forward. Those that wish to accompany me along this journey feel free... I don't mind the company, just know that sometimes like with anyone I may not be there as I may have things I have to "go it alone", but know that I will also try my best to be there for any and all of you, who I care about.
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