Some of the way I am feeling actually started a while ago, with wiping some messages off the dry eraser board from the previous apartment, written by someone I still care very deeply for. They were there for a few years... don’t ask me why I let them stay on there as long as I did… Probably just me being sentimental, stupid, or something… I dunno. Probably shoud have been erased a long time agao, way before the actual moving. The transition of moving into this new apartment today is the final day of the “Old Days”. This isn’t to say that I’m cutting ties or anything like that, but I am definitely done dealing with some issues/people. I’m done with “fair-weather friends”… I only want to keep those in my life that I feel are important and want me in their lives and consider me, my friendship and all important to them.

I know sometimes I question long periods of silence and wonder if the bonds of friendship are still there. Sometimes I may feel that things are drifting apart. If I feel that way then please if I bring it up... just reassure me that things are good. I don't think that is too much to ask. I know sometimes I can be a little high maintenence, but I don't question things without a reason...

On a side note… I’m done with a number of things, and not going to hold onto the past, dead hopes, and stupid things like that. The only thing I will take from the past are the lessons learned, but also one thing in particular… I do know what I want in a more general sense when it comes to a relationship and through what I've been through now have some high standards and expectations. I’m not trying to be self-centered and whatnot though… That standard being... I will definitely measure things up to the ship that sailed away. That "ship" being one of my previous relationships and a bit of a metaphore. That will be the “standard” if you will. I hope to find someone that truly wants me, and willing do whatever it takes to be with me, and in turn I do everything within my power to make things work. I mean that’s what it takes right? Compromising and things and wanting to be there for the other. I’d say that is kinda the bare minimum, but that’s me. I want something special that is emotionally on that deep of a level, like what I had or even better. I hope for something that just blows me out of the water. Will I find it? I dunno… I’m not looking, and some of the closest relationships I’ve been in were ones I happened into while not looking. Even then things didn't turn out... *sighs* Till then though things are just the status quo, and don’t see them changing, but not closing any doors… I may be a little jaded, possibly a little bitter, and a lot more hesitant than I was before… more cautious and afraid… I just don’t like hurting anyone or being hurt. Doesn't mean I am not interested, but neither am I exactly going to be forward about anything. I'm just also not sure how to go about things myself at times truthfully...

I’m definitely not going to be as open with what I post to my LJ or my inner feelings. Even when I make an entry unable to be commented on sometimes it has just seemed to stir up drama, or people misinterpret my feelings, and have even had some people get angered because I posted anything, even when I don’t mention names or anything of that nature… I’m not trying to stir up anything, but at times just letting people know what’s going on with me, and my inner feelings. I’m just done with the drama in general. *sighs* This isn't any kind of plea for attention and whatnot. If people really want to know what is up and really know me then I whole heartedly invite anyone to definitely get in touch with me. I’m semi going to be closing myself off and not going to be as open in general. I’m also going to cull the LJ list here and make things more manageable as well as trim it to friends I do know, and add only those that I do know and vice versa.

I’m just going to go about with a lot of changes in general. I’ve been also looking inside myself, doing a lot of soul searching as it were… I know I’m not perfect, never will be, but hey no one else is either right? I'm definitely gonna make things better, both inside and out.
almalthia: (Default)

From: [personal profile] almalthia


In the end you have to do what is best for you. Take care of yourself.

*hugs*

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


You are absolutely right... and that is what I am trying to do. :) *hugs* You take care too ok?

From: [identity profile] thewerewolf.livejournal.com


It's a times like this that it becomes difficult to know what to do. You know that there are others who read your posts who know something of how you feel; have had the same kind of problems - but simply saying this isn't going to be comforting.

The best suggestion, perhaps, is to do exactly what you suggest - but always remember, the people who really do care about you will always be there, waiting for you do work through this.

Sometimes, it's just taking the time to step back - shut out the noise - find your center and get back in touch with yourself that's what's needed - and then the monsters won't look so horrible.. the path will have less sharp rocks and perhaps you can see the true faces of those around you and see who are your friends, and who simply want and take.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Some very sound advise there indeed. It is much appreciated. I'm just trying to do that... Find my center as it were. I know sometimes I focus on the little things at times because a lot of other things truthfully are just fine.

There are some friends that I wish were closer, but cest la vie. You are right those who are really there are. Sometimes though I have been in doubt how much people do care because sometimes really being shown and not just "words" make all the difference you know.

I'm hoping the path ahead will eventually turn into one walking down the mountain. I feel there is still a mountain ahead though. Those who are true will definitely help along the way, and those who aren't will be left behind in this journey as I am only wanting those who actually want to come along while wandering with this wolf.

From: [identity profile] wolfen-dancer.livejournal.com


*snuggles* I hope these changes help you to a greater happiness. I quite honestly know where you are coming from and I understand. Miss you bunches. Will try to catch you later when things calm down a bit better for me...

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


*hugs* Happiness comes and goes, it's transient. Just hopefully there are more ups than downs. You are missed lots too my dear. I hope things look better for you as well.

From: [identity profile] palladinthug.livejournal.com


I'm here for you and your brother. It isn't easy getting over people you give your love too and do not return it. I know those feelings all too well.

I hope I can do something to help when you ask it of me.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


The offer is appreciated. Truthfully I am over things. I just wish at times I didn't get those times of just feeling "lonely", and when I look back at times I just... Well you know how it goes.

It's just been mostly me and I've been noticing a few things that I've been doing just "reminding" me of things that I should probably stop.

From: [identity profile] gamer-wolf.livejournal.com


I understand being sentimental about your old apartment, even though the house me and my family were living in back before we moved to our current house was starting to fall apart, I still missed it some when we moved because of all the memories of things that happened there.

I hope the changes and soul searching make things better for you pal.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


It was a big change moving out from my parents into the old apartment. I lived there for over 4yrs. That still blows me away. It was a blast living with those two room mates. I'm still living with one of the two. We all still live close by to eachother in different complexes so things won't be too different.

Believe me there will be lots of changes and hopefully all for the better.

From: [identity profile] romani123.livejournal.com


Well here is hoping you can cleanse yourself fully of all sadness...

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Not really "sad"... Just been thinking a lot and sometimes dwelling on things that I probably shouldn't. Focusing on the little things where most other things are ok truthfully. The though is appreciated though. :)

From: [identity profile] rekkieshepherd.livejournal.com


Hey you. We will talk more in person this Saturday. Just feel free to drag me aside. I won't be drinking too much if at all.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Will be good just to hang out in general. Can't wait for the weekend truthfully. :)

From: [identity profile] rekkieshepherd.livejournal.com


Well its really bitchin' to hang out with you =) You're one of my favorite people. We should game more together, truthfully. Video games, that is. Stomp me in Street Fighter and I will more than happily stomp you in Brawl! LOL

From: [identity profile] shadow-stallion.livejournal.com


*nods* Love will often find you when you least expect it Khyle. Until that time just remember you are surrounded by many people that care a great deal about you. :)

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Sometimes I'd like to think that I'll find love, or that it will find me, but not going to worry about it. You are definitely right about friends and I do try to take heart in that fact. *hugs*

From: [identity profile] shivakat.livejournal.com


I dunno what to say, Khyle. I always seem to be out of the loop with the whole drama biz. 'Wait, what's happened? Who? Where?' Maybe that makes me a no-drama friend, and maybe you need more of me?

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


I know at times I've been vague, but it's normally for the aforementioned reasons trying not to ruffle too many feathers or stir up drama myself. We should keep in better touch in general. You're missed and all. :) *hugs*

From: [identity profile] ictitherium.livejournal.com


I miss you :C

I hope things get better Khyle.

I'm here if you ever wanna talk :3

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Truthfully most everything is fine. I'm just taking what I've learned and not going to be as open as before. Nothing against you or anyone. Feel free to message me up I miss you too. *hugs*

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


I am hoping things will get better... We'll have to see where the road ahead takes me.

From: [identity profile] ramsis.livejournal.com


Yes yes.. we know. April Fools. Ha ha. You got us.

Have to try harder then that to get the lion king though.

ROAR ROAR ROAR!

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Actually... this is no April fools... big cat. Once I get home I'm going to do one of those mass entry tools and friend lock all my posts and stuff cat... Next post will be one of those "If you want me to friend you I need to know who you are and where we met". I'm going to do a culling of things in general.

From: [identity profile] pistolpup.livejournal.com


*hugs* keep me in mind on that then. Would love to keep up with whats going on with ya. Also hope to see you again at another con soon. Or who knows, maybe a visit sometime. I plan on making it to Dallas at least in the next 6-8 months to visit another friend.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Well this journal isn't going to be the best place to keep in touch. I'm not going to be posting as much because I don't want people just using the journal as a way to keep "tabs" on me and see if I'm doin ok and then be concerned if they see a journal post that is not ok. I want people who genuinely want to keep in touch and such... That is part of why I'm going to be doing this...

From: [identity profile] technotiger.livejournal.com


Well it's good to have a basis for what you want in a relationship. Empirical information is certainly the best for that issue.

Also, I have several different custom locks for information to avoid drama if things are being said and one of the people on my friends list might get offended. Heck though, the majority of my posts are private anyways. :P

In conclusion, congratulations on the new place and stepping forward in your life with a new found confidence and assurance.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


I should do more private entries and such... I'm done with being as open as I have been. If people want to know what is up with me then they can come to the source, and not necessarily use like LJ for that.

Well I'm trying to have lots of confidence and assurance. I just hope to not come off as self-centered and such.

From: [identity profile] technotiger.livejournal.com


"Well I'm trying to have lots of confidence and assurance. I just hope to not come off as self-centered and such."

If you come off that way, then they weren't strong enough to handle you. Your real friends will let you know when you're beginning to cross a line. ;)

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


I've been meaning to do this to my journal for a while. I'm gonna make my LJ completely friends only and trim the friend list and such. The other was just thoughts and feelings and stuff.

From: [identity profile] cassen-grrrl.livejournal.com


*hugs* to you. You are in my thoughts often, and you will stay that way. Please try and keep in touch with me. :) You are a good person.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


You are in my thoughts as well. I hope things are still going ok for you in Mexico. I've been hearing lots about the border things and have been afraid truthfully.

*blushes* I try... believe me I try... wish I was better and thank you for your kind words. You are an awesome friend and I want to thank you for everything.

From: [identity profile] cassen-grrrl.livejournal.com


I'm glad to hear you think I'm a good friend. :) I try to be.

Don't worry about the border things. Mexico is still safe - at least the places you would want to visit are. The big cities like Mexico City, Guadalajara (where I live), and Monterrey are fine, and the touristy areas like Cancun, Puerto Vallarta and Acapulco are fine too.

From: [identity profile] wendingo.livejournal.com


You're a good guy who I don't talk to enough. Not sure what to say but best of luck. :(

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


The luck wishing is appreciated my large wolf friend. I try to be a good guy in general. Sometimes I guess I fail at that, but I always try in any case. We should talk more though. :) Hope things are well with you.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


I'm thinking last weekend of April or first of May. I'm trying not to interrupt a convention I know that's going on in Oklahoma around the final weekend of April.

From: [identity profile] lhexa.livejournal.com


I just found out they're coming the first weekend of May, so the last weekend of April would work great.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


Hrms... Last weekend of April is also Wild Nights up in Oklahoma... I hate stepping on toes and was wanting a friend or two from Oklahoma coming... I also found that [livejournal.com profile] celyddon has San Angelo that same weekend... So I need to postpone for 2nd weekend of May then. Will that be ok? I'll inform other people as well.

From: [identity profile] darktiger77.livejournal.com


*hugs* If you ever need a break from life and wanna come visit sometime let me know! We can spin poi and hang out.

You're a strong spirit, even though you may not feel it all the time. If you want to talk you know how to find me.

From: [identity profile] khyle.livejournal.com


We do need to hang out sometime. It'd be awesome to do some poi again with you. I know I've been a bit lax with the move and stuff, but was recently trying to give lessons to a friend who made his own set of poi.

*smiles and blushes* I don't necessarily think I'm strong all the time... THAT'S for sure... Your words are most appreciated my dear. *hugs lots*
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