khyle: (Windswept)
( Nov. 13th, 2008 11:28 pm)
Yesterday was a normal day at work, nothing all that special or grand. Things were fine and all, just had a number of things on my mind as soon as I got home. I don’t know what it was, but last night I was definitely hit with a bug to just go walking and enjoy the evening. I found part of the reason though as the night was crisp, felt wonderful and the moon was bright, full and beautiful. I believe it was calling to me. *chuckles* Perhaps it is that time of the month ya know for wolves? :P

I wasn’t exactly alone while walking though, I was talking to a couple of good friends, one fox I’ve known for a few years, and after our long talk and going inside refreshing a little I got online and someone else wanted to talk to me… So… I went on a second walk, talking with a coyote. Both times walked for quite some time, just talking in general, getting things out in the open, getting things off my chest, hearing their thoughts on their own points in life, giving my advice if I could offer any, or just being there as a sounding board and listening as they were being that for me. Sometimes it takes a different perspective outside of the normal faces one sees to help get a clearer picture, because sometimes the closest to you that you see on a regular basis can be a bit more biased one way or another…

Some today... wasn't my day... I at least taught my brother a good poi spinning move!

That was about the only highlight though, was very stressed out and had a lot on my mind and in the back of my head.

I also sent off an email to someone as I was feeling very down and felt things were quite distant... I feel like the world's biggest fool... Like an unwanted piece of garbage, no matter what I do... Like I I can't seem to do anything right... Not like it really matters in any case. I'm gonna shut my muzzle... I'm partly thinking of disappearing for a while online... not like it would matter much or change how things have been especially with one person.... *sighs* I probably shouldn't let things get to me as I do... I try not to focus on certain things, but can't seem to help myself... I should probably stop caring as deeply as I do, learn not to be as open and more reserved with my feelings and not as "open book" as it were, or wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm not even sure what I really want right now... Things are ok for the most part, but some things feel so empty and hollow. At least only on one side of things. In truth everything else is fine and I shouldn't let myself get down and out because of one aspect. There is only so much I can change truth be told... We can only change what we have control over which in many cases is not that much, but we are in control of ourselves and I'm going to work with that... Still just wish things were different...
.

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